Monday, February 25, 2008

Park THEN speak...

This is a shout out to all of you people who park and speak.
Remember the Speak and Spell?
This is a totally different subject.
Now, I know that multi tasking is important to all of us. I also know that phone conversations are, too. But I 'd like to take a moment to weigh up few things while I'm on the topic of driving.
First of all an automobile is a two handed responsibility. The vehicle was manufactured for this specific purpose, right? I mean, unless I missed a NEWmeeting, it's safe to say that driving a car is something that requires two hands.

But we evolved, yes?
We now have the ability to drive with one hand on the phone. We do. Tis true. I see it all the time. I once dated a girl who, at 8:OO am, on the way to coffee, in the fast lane, doing about 76mph, DRIVING, would take precious care and concentration putting her make up on, using the rear view mirror, while on the phone, shifting the 5 speed manual gear shift with her knee at times, or her other "free" hand, with no consideration for her passengers thoughts, whatsoever. Anxiety, fear and the loss of will to live were some of the things going through my mind, at the time, but actually...I was kind of impressed by her display of multi tasking talents. It wasn't because we never crashed and incinerated. But because she loved me. On a regular basis. Like a wild college co ed panther! For hours! And some of those multi tasking "driving" talents can really make it seem like you're going faster. Even when you are no where near the car. Which is another topic I should not dive into right now. (ahem) What I am saying is that she manged to pull this off gracefully, nonchalantly and subsequently dolled up by the time we reached the cafe'. And she would have looked good the entire time except for one small error. One flaw in her vehicular operative design was parking the car with one hand. I mean... it just LOOKED ridiculous. For some one as attractive, assertive and loquacious as she was, some mornings I would have to jump out of the car and run away. It was just too embarrassing to see without coffee already in me. And some mornings it was good that I did. There were children playing by the curb this one dewy morning. Visibility was a factor. But so was STEERING, BRAKING and SHIFTING. Which, to her, was not as important as her conversation. I was able to jump out of her car, grab the 4 year old little bitty babies and get them to a safe part of the sidewalk with enough time to apologize to their mother, while simultaneously exclaiming, " Doesn't she look like an IDIOT trying to park a manual transmission with ONE HAND?! "
My girlfriend, of course, didn't hear that because she was ON THE PHONE! And lucky for the toddlers the only thing that the car hit was a Tonka toy truck. Those things are really tough, by the way.
What I'm trying to say :
If the obvious danger factor isn't enough...realize this, especially if you are trying to maintain some sort of attractive appeal to others. And women should really understand this. And I mean this with the pure intention of helping. So I ask myself,
What looks good out there? The pretty ladies, of course.

What doesn't look good ( which means it looks lame and suedo-retarded )?
Pretty ladies parking a car with one hand, on the phone, running over childrens toys.

That's all...I hope that was enlightening and not insulting.

Park the car first. Then pick it up and continue the conversation.


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