Thursday, September 16, 2010

The Legend Of The Tea Party Stalker: Christine O'Donnell

Delaware's Christine O'Donnell has recently filed a complaint with Facebook for something I am not even sure about. The letter has surfaced to sources unknown and many republicans are confused.
This version of her letter was said to be a tribute by an unknown writer. It was originally in the Polish language, but later transcribed into English. The fact that it rhymes is both amazing and purely coincidental:

Dear Facebook I have a bone to pick
Someone has slandered my name and pics
I'm trying to enjoy my new victory
but it's difficult when someone's stalking me

I receive a letter in my inbox daily
it's from T.P.S. could you block her maybe?
It gives me an ache in my poor tired head
Read it yourself, this is what she said

Hi Miss O'Donnell, I think you're so nifty
you look really good, not a day over 50
congratulations girl on your huge senate win
It makes me want to touch myself again

I know for a fact that we both are not married
I'm bi curious, so this shouldn't be scary
any time I see you with a mic in your hand
I wanna be more than just facebook friends

What if that mic was a toy that you got me
and you're looking up like a well trained husky
down on your knees with a look of pure sin
with sad puppy eyes and conservative grin

I 'd love to meet you and clear up this mess
I hope that this letter does not bring you stress
let's start a new club so our friends are impressed
the Savior Alliance for Lifting my Dress

Please don't be bashful and don't think I'm crass
I heard you went down onto Dickinson's class
and came right back up with a bachelor's degree
but lost your old mortgage to IRS fees

Which just gets me hotter than teen fornication
To know that we women are strong in this nation
paid out vacations from me with libations
and we can move past all this skype masturbation

but I'll keep that pussycat right in the bag
you call me dyke and I'll call you my fag
and every long day will be ours to let drag
all your GOP friends will have reason to brag

Republican party or two party lickin'
I heard Sarah Palin still tastes like fried chicken
So please write me back and please don't abort this
I'll send it to God if you choose to ignore this

Sincerely T.P.S.

The Legend of The TEA PARTY STALKER will continue...
Your friendly cyberhood

Uncle Samurai

(This is a fictional blog. Words and photos from this article do not necessarily reflect the opinions of google)


Wendy Taylor said...

So awesome. You have to divulge where that came from. I know Cory can bust a rhyme or two...

Uncle Samurai said...

Thanks. I am actually an alien from planet Rebok. Our language was written in rhyme with out reason by a left handed voo doo priestess.
Then I started smoking weed. You can probably guess how easy it was to wrote rhymes after that. Plus I've been a songwriter for 27 years.